updates from the Delta

Hi Family!

We're entering the home stretch here in Mississippi! Thank God! Just two more weeks until I get to move back to Memphis. I went back to Memphis for the day yesterday, and it was a great feeling to be driving into the city and feeling so happy to be back, even if only for a few hours. I was there with Shannon, my roommate, and Brittany, one of the girls who is living on the same hall as us. We did a lot of shopping for teacher clothes, went to brunch at the Blue Plate Cafe, and walked around our neighborhood. I hadn't realized how close I was to so much cool stuff! I am about a quarter mile from the Lorraine Motel, the site of Martin Luther King's assassination and home to the National Civil Rights   Museum. Also on my street is the Orpheum Theater, an off-Broadway theater and cinema. Their summer movie series is on right now. Luckily I will be back in town for the showings of The Princess Bride and Blazing Saddles. Also a short walk away is the FedEx Forum (where we're going to see Sugarland play on Aug. 24th!), and tons of BBQ restaurants. A short walk to the west is the Mississippi  River and lots of parks and walking trails. Here's what the view looks like.

There were a couple of River Boats chugging along as we walked.
It was great to be away from here for awhile and a little hard to drive back to the Delta.
But, last night we drove to Ground Zero, a blues club about 45 min from Delta State. It's a club owned by Morgan Freeman, who periodically pops in and dances. Yes, I've danced on the same floor as Morgan Freeman. He was there just 3 weeks ago! It's such a fun place! Very Mississippi. There is writing all over the walls where people signed their names. Here's my name:

It's famous but not at all fancy. Plastic table cloths are on the tables, they serve the greasiest food (shocker) and lots of beer and there were a ton of locals all out for dancing. And obviously it's all live blues, all night. Every musician except the singer had a lit cigarette hanging out of their mouths the whole time they performed.
My friend Gracie and I stayed basically until closing so we had the dance floor to ourselves. We met Abraham, a man who has been working there for 11 years (he's met Morgan Freeman tons of times and got our phone numbers so he can call us next time he pops in...) He's probably 60 years old and drives the "limo" for the club. The limo looks like it's from 1973. A big band is coming on July 3rd and he's offered to pick 10 of us up in Cleveland in his limo. No charge. Only tip the driver. hmm...an adventure maybe? Gracie and I are trying to find 8 more brave enough to come along for a night of blues and dancing in honor of America.

This week was a really hard one at school, but a really rewarding one. Going into the third week was difficult because it still felt like we had so many more days left here, our kids still hadn't quite warmed up to us, we were exhausted, behavior management in our classroom is much, much harder than we thought it would be, and we're all homesick. The racism and poverty down here is also emotionally exhausting. We see how deeply ingrained racism is down here, and it's very discouraging. Back in Vermont, it feels like racism is so foolish and ignorant and that we all just need to talk it out and get along. But down here it's a deep, deep hatred and mistrust and always on the surface. For the first time down here I'm noticed for being white, and I feel what it feels like to be stigmatized and marginalized because of the color of my skin. I had one little boy come up to be and say, "Ms. Ross, my mama says I'm scared of white people, but I'm not scared of you at all." In a classroom down the hall, one girl was teaching her lesson and a little boy raised his hand.
"Ms., are you white?"
"Yes, I am."
"How did you get to be white?"
"I was born this way."
"I wish I was born white."
It's disgusting and sad that at 4 years old a little boy already feels that there is something wrong with him because of his color, feels that life would be better as a white person.
In another instance, one of my teaching partners was on the phone with a little girl's mom. The girl has been misbehaving a lot, and we've all made calls home about what we can do about it. The teacher who made the call happens to be African American. The mother, also black, goes, "Hold up. Are you black?" and my co-teacher says, "Yes Ma'am, I am."
"Well it's about time that my daughter has a black teacher."
My co-teacher was greatly offended, not only that she was labeled because of the sound of her voice, but also that something like this would matter. It was really upsetting, and it's a terrible feeling to feel guilty about your skin color. I kept thinking, I wish I was black, too, so that her mother trusted me. The whole thing is so ignorant, but so real for many people. It's been really difficult dealing with these emotions and thoughts that I've never had to deal with before.

However, on a more hopeful and happy note, my lessons and behavior management have become a million times better since the beginning of the week. All of us are kind of finding our teaching styles, which makes teaching much more natural and fun. It's so much fun and so delightful when you do it right and when the kids really get it. The babies also trust us now and love us, so coming to class is the best because they just want to tell you the best stories and give lots of hugs and show you how very smart they are.
On Friday it was College Day. All the teachers wore T-Shirts that said their college name on it, and we talked with the kids about what it means to go to college and how important it is to go to school. I brought in my mortar board for them to try on ("Ms. Ross, I like your silly hat!"). They were adorable. Here are a few of my students, all ready for college graduation! Class of 2029!

As soon as Calvin learns his colors he'll be ready for Harvard. This little boy struggles a lot. He get's so frustrated and it breaks my heart. I worked alone with him on Friday with colors and numbers. I showed him how to make a 3. "See Calvin, you make curly-Q's!"
"I wanna try makin dose curly-coos!"
He did manage to draw a 3, but at the end of the lesson I asked what number it was..."Umm, six."

David is the sweetest little boy in the world. He has no teeth between his canines. He has a major speech impediment and would like to be a baseball player when he grows up.

Delvin can't sit still for more than 3 seconds at a time. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up he responded, "The line leader." Shoot for the stars, buddy!

DeMarion, one of the twins. So smart, but will not open his mouth to speak. He gets so mad at me for making him follow the rules.

DeShaun in the other twin. He's such a clown and the biggest pain in the neck. I'll tell him to say "yes Ma'am" and he looks me straight in the eye and goes "Yes Sir." But this kid is brilliant. When I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up he said "84 years old." what a little smart ass.

Diamonique is teacher's pet (or at least tries to be). A big ol' tattle-tale.
"Ms. Ross, he cutted me in line!"
"Hey Diamonique, you do you and power through." She doesn't love that answer.

Shakayla doesn't say anything all day long unless absolutely forced. Our big task for the summer is to get her to smile and engage.

Zyionn is a darling child. She loves me and always needs hugs. She gets extremely upset every time she gets disciplined and I always have to reassure her that I love her but it's still not okay to push friends. When she was leaving at the end of the day she said, "Ms. Ross, I'm going to graduate from college." Well, my work here is done. Achievement gap closed!

This is my favorite, favorite picture. Look at how happy this kid is to be smart! He is one of our biggest trouble makers but also a love bug. He's brilliant too.
Here's a little sample of some student work...

 Zydarious is a great artist.

This kid didn't quite grasp the math lesson of the day...

and lastly, baby Jaylon. The most special kid. I just want to put him in my pocket and take him home (he's tiny enough that he'd practically fit...his arms are about as thin as butter knives, but he's the one that always makes me feel his muscle).

This kid cracks me up all day long. He was making a pattern with cubes the other day and when he finished he dusted off his hands and said, "My work here is done."
He also tells me a story every afternoon while we wait for the bus to come. It's always a fairy tale, and at the end he always says, "Isn't that hilarious?!" He loves school and gives me about 15 hugs a day.
On Thursday I wore my cowboy boots to school. I walked into the classroom and he said, "Ohhhh Ms. Ross! I love your cowboy boots! Can I hug them?" and the next thing I knew he was on his knees wrapping his little arms around my boots. The he stands up, says, "Ride 'em cowboy." and walks away. I love him. He's so so so bright.

At the beginning of the week I really just wanted to come home. But spending all week with these kiddos is the best. I actually wished it was Monday today because I miss them! They just crack me up. It is going to be really hard to leave them in two weeks.

I miss you all very much! I hope that you will come visit me when I get back to Memphis. I will take you all to the National Civil Rights Museum and the Orpheum theater and to the best BBQ and then we can go dancing at a Blues joint. Look out!

love you!
Cailin