I have a new outlook. Hooray! This morning I got up and went for a run, and that always makes me feel better. I always feel like myself again when I am running, it is very self-identifying for me, and very grounding.

When I got back I turned on the television (no more cable after today! What am I going to do with myself?) and I watched Endless Summer II. I imagine you all know what it's about, but in case you don't, its a documentary about surfers who follow summer around the globe, trying to find the perfect wave. It's very much about freedom and youth and spontaneity, and very not about finding a job and having responsibility and putting on a suit and heading to Wall St. And I figured, I don't need a career right now. I do not need to be heading up the merger between two major airlines. i just need a job to provide enough money to pay the bills-- it does not need to be intellectually or socially or morally rewarding. These surfers, they just saved up money to travel around the world. and it wasn't making money itself that was so wonderful, it was what they did with the money.

so i have a dead-end job. every second that i am not at work i am still in NYC and who knows what is just around the corner?